from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
