He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
