PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
