would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
