I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
