Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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