he shaved USA in his pubs
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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