This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
