Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I could make wine with my vomit
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
