Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
