my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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