He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We have started to decorate penises.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
