I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
