i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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