If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
