i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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