yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
