pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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