I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
