cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found the puke drawer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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