I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
