He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
