she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
