Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
