Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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