its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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