i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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