u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
