I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
