i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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