Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
