That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
