i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
