Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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