does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
