Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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