If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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