found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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