My liver just broke up with me...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
