Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
