Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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