There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
