I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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