If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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