are you so shy because you have an std?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm too high and old for this...
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