I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
