i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
