Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
