Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
