My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
