So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
