Having a random hookup so left but love u
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
