He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
