We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
